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Edward Nigma

[ website | read it and weep ]
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[ archive | journal archive ]

I live to let you shine... [Feb. 9th, 2009|11:31 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |jealousjealous]
[Current Music |I dont want to think about it]

I can’t believe you’ve done this to me.

What happened to loving me, what happened to me and you and only that forever and ever?

Eddie… you’ve told a lie.

You used to be incapable of lying, I remember. Cause that’s what daddy said you were, wasn’t it? A liar.

Liar Liar Liar.

I hate you. I hate hate hate you. And he’s not yours, he doesn’t WANT you, he pushes you away cause you don’t know how to handle him.

I do.

He wants me. I can be real fire for him, I can hate him and hit him and love him and fuck him and keep him safe. Stop pretending you can be me.

Stop touching what’s not yours.

I want to go home, I don’t like it here.

And PLEASE stop making him moan like that.

Because maybe… just maybe… It’s breaking my heart.


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Do I follow the stars or the gypsy king? [Jan. 16th, 2009|10:59 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Location |hmmmmm]
[Current Mood |contentcontent]
[Current Music |You and me, me and you and us forever.]

There was a time, not so very long ago, when I hated you. I felt like you were ruining my life, that you were making me mad, that you were the cause of my problems.

Now I could never imagine life without you.

I wonder if the two of us were together we- sorry, I mean just me, if I would be sane? I’m not sure now. I think I might be a little mad in my own right. I taste colours and feel sounds, I see letters like music notes, swirling forever in my head that’s made like a twisted up broken rainbow slinky. And I love you.

It’s like having a twin, only, not really, cause though we switch over sometimes and they get to see you, you are in all probability really just for me, we live in a little boy with copper hair who doesn’t really look like either of us, does he? You look like fire and freedom and I look like a fountain of fizzing silvery glitter and together we look like Vesuvius erupting under the stars.

I wonder which one of us was here first. The memories I have now from some grainy childhood don’t feel like my own, I feel almost as if they were lifted from a film. Have I just always been? Was the child hood a lie? Has everything up to this moment just been false memory? Perhaps. I wouldn’t be shocked either way.

Can you feel the wind on your face? The feeling of sharp tiny stones under bare feet that amounted to what passed for sand on that beach we were taken to? The grit would get under our nails- making fingers taste like salt and storms. Do you remember he taught us how to build a castle with the sand and then, hands secure, one each being held by the tall ones who looked after us, we watched as the waves came and gobbled those castles up, the ocean taking back what was rightfully hers.

I knew fear that day, it gripped me in my chest, squeezed down on my tiny heart as I watched her destroy what I had spent so long creating, and then I knew that nothing I ever did would necessarily last forever, that the world was bound to change and shape things beyond my control, that I had to accept and just let what would happen… happen.

Que sera sera.

And what’s happened is I have lost my mind. If I ever really had one to begin with. Or perhaps I have found it. Who is to say what madness is? Ok, so I see my split personality stand strong beside me, and Ok, I feel him hold my hand as we face down everything together. So I feel his kiss and his love come’s tumbling out of him like a raspberry waterfall. Who is to say he isn’t in charge of the body at this time, that I’m not the mere shadow cast out by a mind so addled that even the people who live there doubt it’s credibility.

I love you. We just need each other. And between us we’ll look after J and make sure he doesn’t fall too high off of the buildings he destroys, make sure he doesn’t catch alight himself as he burns this city to the ground.

I don’t mind being mad I don’t think. Not if it means I get to have you. It’s worth it probably.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s time for us to have some fun, Theo, we’ve been too quiet for too long. Lets put our face on and go out on the town.

It’s time to stir things up.
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Letters I will never send. [Jan. 15th, 2009|07:59 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |Hmmmm]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |white noise]


They sit crumpled in a waste paper basket.Collapse )
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Letter to Man from God. [Jan. 10th, 2009|11:47 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |in your head]
[Current Mood |melancholyheart broken]
[Current Music |IAMX- President]


Dear Eddie,Collapse )
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It all ends today, yes it all ends today.... [Jan. 6th, 2009|12:43 am]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |the streets]
[Current Mood |weirdweird]
[Current Music |white noise]


Today's the day when dreaming ends.Collapse )
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This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been... [Jan. 5th, 2009|02:44 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Location |Arkham Asylum]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]
[Current Music |screams and laughter]

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This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever known.... [Dec. 31st, 2008|02:59 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |Arkham]
[Current Mood |scaredscared]
[Current Music |laughter and screams]


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if you cant find a partner use a wooden chair. [Dec. 19th, 2008|01:35 am]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |interrigation room]
[Current Mood |infuriatedinfuriated]
[Current Music |eddie freaking out]


lets rock...Collapse )
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And if I kissed you, and we did it, would I become cool? [Dec. 12th, 2008|04:05 pm]
Edward Nigma
[Current Location |in the playroom]
[Current Mood |chipperchipper]
[Current Music |Boys_Robots in Disguise]

The hardest thing perhaps about trying to date a psychotic doctor with a tendency to try and kill you by any means possible was judging whether or not you’d left it long enough since you’d last seen each other to call and arrange your next date.

Eddie was staring down at his cell phone (screensaver Eddie and Joker swore drunkly back at him, flipping him the bird and pulling faces) pondering just that very question. It had been about a week, it should be ok. If of course it was kept casual, light hearted… breezy?

Bloody Hell.

It would be comical if it wasn’t so God-damned heartbreaking. Actually no, it is just pretty comical.

Eddie had a plan. And Eddie knew that 99.9 per cent of the human race would agree with him that it was a good plan. In fact Eddie was pretty sure if Crane was a high school girl and he was the football captain this date would pretty much secure him loosing his virginity before prom. However Crane was not a girl. Or even vaguely like a normal human being. So it was all a bit touch and go.

Eddie sighed, and scrolled down (one of 16 numbers. He was a popular boy, you could tell) to Crane’s name in his phone book and pressed ‘call’.

He listened to the rings.

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It's not that easy being green. [Nov. 24th, 2008|12:08 am]
Edward Nigma
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |The Mansion]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |David Bowie....]

Just me and you now kiddo.

Where did J go?

Out. What does it matter. He’s not your keeper. He has his own life.

I know that. I never said he was. Why do I feel guilty.

I don’t know. Why would you think I would know.

Guilty and sad. What have you done?

Me? I haven’t done anything. It’s you. You always feel sad and guilty.

This isn’t my feeling though… it’s coming off of you.

It’s not. I don’t feel those things.

You do. Cause I do. I feel hate and lust and fury, violence and contempt and wrath. Just…. Muted. Not as much as you. So you must feel what I feel, love and hurt and guilt and sadness and being happy and dizzy and stupid.

I never feel stupid.

Maybe that’s your problem then. Maybe you need to learn a little humiliation. Now. What have you done?

Eddie… Don’t worry about it. He’ll come back.


What have you done?

I… Eddie it’s nothing, just a bit of fooling around. I kissed him-

You did WHAT?

But listen ok, he-


No Eddie you don’t understand-




Eddie… I’m sorry… I am sorry… Eddie come back… Eddie Don’t…. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me on my own…


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